hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i drank out of a bidet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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