so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
