fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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