Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
