Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
