he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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