life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you would pick up someone in the library
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
