just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize