Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
