i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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