Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
