you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
