I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
