Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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