I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
