Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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