While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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