I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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