were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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