just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
