just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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