Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
