oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
