There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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