Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
