my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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