The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
