Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
