why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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