just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
