omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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