Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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