I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
