but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
