i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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