Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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