Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
