so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
