so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
