My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
