Got a toothbrush?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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