we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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