who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
