why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
