I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
