Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
