would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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