He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
