College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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