I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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