So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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