So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
