who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
