i used baking grease as lip gloss
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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