can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
