Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I cannot find my penis.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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