I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
where are you?
Hypothermia
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
