Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can I color on your dick again?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
