hotel room ftw
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
