Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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