I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
