pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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