No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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