I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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