Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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