She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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