I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
