Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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