I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
smell my finger.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
