Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
