Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
